‒ Hi there! Can I have a couple of bread rolls please?
(vendeur #1) ‒ Yes no problem. Have you shopped with us before?
‒ Er no, not recently but I think I came here when I was little…
‒ We'll juste have to register you then. What's your date of birth?
‒ Er 23rd of June 1993
‒ Lovely. And can you confirm your full name for me please?
‒ Lucy Manon Daniels.
‒ Lovely. Mother's maiden name?
‒ Jones.
‒ First car?
‒ Er, I don't have a car.
‒ Favourite teacher then?
‒ Um, Mrs Day?
‒ Sorry, not enough characters.
‒ Um, Mr Williams then.
‒ Lovely. Brown or white?
‒ Um, I think he was…
‒ The rolls. Brown or white?
‒ Oh sorry. White please.
‒ Could you juste look troug this for me please?
‒ OK…
‒ Just tell me which one's got cars in.
‒ Er… middle middle, middle right, bottom right.
‒ Lovely. You're not a robot!
‒ Ha! That's a relief.
‒ And when would you like these rolls?
‒ I'd like them now please!
‒ Will you be here today between 10am and 6pm?
‒ Well, I'm here at 11.34 actually, ready for my rolls.
‒ Did you know you could track your rolls?
‒ No… but, I'll juste have them now thanks.
‒ You juste need to agree to our terms and conditions.
‒ I agree to the terms and conditions.
‒ And just to confirm your purchase you'll get a number on your phone.
‒ Hasn't come through yet.
‒ Ah, here we are… Er, 554762.
‒ No, that number's wrong. Sorry. Goodbye.
(vendeur #2) ‒ You've expressed an interest in buying bread in the past. Would you like some sourdough?
‒ No thank you, I'll just have two bread rolls, white please. Thanks.
‒ No problem. If I could take your full name please?
‒ Oh, this is ridiculous. I juste want a couple of bread rolls. I mean, who's in charge here? Is there someone I can speak to?
‒ Of course.
(elle se penche pour atteindre la sonnette « Contact Us » en bas du comptoir)
(vendeur #3) ‒ Thanks for reaching out to us today. I'm Corey and how can I help you?
‒ Thank you. I just wanted to buy two bread rolls, white and I was ready to buy them. I Had the money and everything. Er, but the code thing on my phone didn't work and the first guy just left and the second lady wasn't very helpful and I kind of lost my temper with her a little bit but… I know it's not your fault but I just want two bread rolls, whit please. Thank you.
‒ OK. I'll see if I can look into this for you now…
‒ I mean it's literally just over…
(Montre un petit écriteau « Thinking… ») ‒ So first of all, I'm going to need your name and your date of birth.
‒ Oh this is stupid. This is stupid! I just want a couple of bread rolls!
C'est tellement vrai. Il manque encore le refus des noms/prénoms accentués, le refus des adresses postales (absente de la base de données ou contenant un « ' » ou autre), la réclamation qui aboutit uniquement si l'on a masse de suiveurs sur les réseaux asociaux ou si l'on fait appel à la DGCCRF, les hallucinantes modalités de renvoi d'un produit, le flicage par des services tiers, la revente ou le piratage de notre intimité (données personnelles), les trouzemille popups (newsletter, pas de bloqueur de pub ici, flash info promo, information cookie, etc.), etc., etc.
Via https://twitter.com/bayartb/status/1217143520361963522 .